Jenny...please don't die. I love you so much, you're my baby. ;~; You're blind now too but...please don't die, fifteen seems so young. even though you're a dog but...

;~; Please don't die, my deaf, blind, diabetic little baby. You will soon and I can't stand it...

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been

Hey. Hey mind. Stop it. Stop giving me these memories in dream form. I hate you, I hate it. It's over, okay mind? >< You blew your chance. You were too shy and he's gone. When he gets back, he'll have forgotten, it was too late when you met him.

So...Please, stop making me relive these memories. He probably didn't even like you THAT much....Oh my god why does it hurt so much right now? Didn't bother me before, I was just FINE...Is it always this way with the first guy to show interest in you? Probably the last too. Way to blow it, me. Way to screw it up. Too afraid to even contact now, for fear of being a pest.

I'm so confused, so conflicted. Everyone says I should 'talk to him when he comes back', but really, a whole year? Nothing will happen. I'm trying to be logical but these stupid emotions, making me sad about the obvious. I don't like it, not one bit.

Mind, go back to thinking logically.

Heart, stop looking back.

...I'll probably be right over it again in a few days. But that regret, it's hard to deal with. I do miss him at times. I shouldn't. It's not obsessively or anything. Just a faint thought.

I don't even know why I wrote this. Pouring my heart out? This isn't the only thing on my mind right now, stressing me, frying my brain...it's just the only one I haven't addressed fully until now.

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone

Dear womanizing cocksuckers who grabbed my ass and felt my crotch during the assembly today:

Is it really that amusing to violate someone and see them surprised? You bitches wouldn't feel me up if you ONLY wanted to lol that you touched the fat chick. >< BAHHHH I don't care the reason, teenaged boys are retarded, womanzing idiots!

Dear cast/techs:

Know your damn place. We are a community, we may be a 'family', but jesus know what authority is. Our set designer does not want or need your numerous ideas. Not even that, what's worse is you're pulling shit out of the wood room that we DON'T NEED and so we have to fucking clean it up!

I'm a quiet person. I'm usually thinking about something. I don't like talking 100% of the time. Don't act like you fucking know me and take my silence as a bad mood, then to proceed to glomp me like a moron in hopes that it will make me feel better. That will only piss me off. All that, 'heartz and a hug will make it allll better' shit doesn't fly with me. Being positive doesn't mean being jumpy and hyperactive. Don't touch me, stfu and let me do my job, and yours since none of you seem to be doing it yourselves.

I know people are different, have different levels of tolerence, but DON'T YOU EVER whine to the entire group that theatre is making you 'too busy for homework' when you have TWO LINES TOTAL. I'm keeping a B in Algebra II, something I'm AWFUL at, and maintaining a C in Government, something I'm worse at, not to mention As in everything else. I have to show up even if I have a fever, to tech and actor rehersals. I have to pretty much be with both groups at once, and deal with the bickering/annoyances. DON'T YOU DARE SAY YOUR JOB IS STRESSFUL. The only people quite frankly I feel are allowed to complain, are those with AP classes, and/or those who have two major parts.

Bitches need to step it up, stop talking, stop jumping around, and do their jobs. We'll never open properly in four weeks if this goes on.

Kemms, I think I will take up that offer and message her later for stage managing help. >< Alice and Charlie have my back too but I don't wanna bother them too much...

I am so done with high school. Get me out of here. D=

Now that I'm done bitching and making a brat out of myself, some Kingdom Hearts II and Resident Evil are in order. Wonderful combo. A game that makes me smile and feel positive, and one where I just get to kill things out of frustration.

That KuroshisujixGazettE crossover art really made me happy. XD And YES ALICE, you were right, Aoi can be Sebastian.

It's been odd and yet amazing. xD

So I'm still sick but feeling better. After odd late night convosatioons with Alice, Charlie, and David, (All at ONCE on MICROPHONES. I won't go into how embarassed, uncomfortable, and remorseful I was at bringing the four of us into one chat. I hope they didn't kill each other after I left. I could just feel the tension. ><) I went to sleep with my CD player. I wake up, and decide i'd like to spend my $20. I thought hey, I want Resident Evil 4, or any other good game that I've played, that isn't rare or hard to find. I get showered, dressed, I look good, and I go to the mall with my dad.

At GameStop I looked through what could be CALLED the desolate remains of the PS2 era. They had Fatal Frame 2 and I WANTED IT. D= Badly. But it was $40, $40 I just don't have. >< I tried buying a used copy of Rogue Galaxy for $15, but the guy said they didn't have it. Must've sold it and not marked it gone.

Yay for incompetence? =D Ally please don't let this happen to your stock at your work. >< You'll disappoint customers and make them so sad they have to go to the arcade to kick ass on a game.

So I did. Played some Marvel vs Capcom 2, summoned up a Tyrant to claw up Cable's ass. Take THAT Hyper Beam spam. >D No later than I get to the 4th round, I hear coins enter the machine, I look down to my waist and there's this little, probably 7, 9, I dunno, little Asian kid next to me.

What tipped me off that he was GOOD? He chose his characters and types quickly. He clearly knew what he was doing. Inside I facepalmed and went, "Good god, I'm going to get owned."

And I did. He was awesome at it. >< In my defense though, I encourage people to not pick War Machine AND Ironman, then SPAM their shoulder canons. So I shook the kid's hand, congradulated him, and went on my way.

That's 2-0, not in my favor.

Dad suggested earlier that I check out F.Y.E for a CD or game, which, I took the offer. At this point, I'd take anything. I find a brand new copy of RE4 for $30. I can get away with borrowing $10 from my parents, but $20 for FF2 would'e been too much...so I asked dad if I can buy it, he comes inside the store, and I walk to grab the game.

THANK THE GODS ABOVE THAT I LOOKED TO MY LEFT.

Right there, SAME PRICE, is RE4, RECVX, and REO.

Same price. Wow, yes. Fucking yes. =D

So I bought it, gleed over it, and hey. I already have a copy of REO. I can just take in my older, used copy, and maybe get a few credits/dollars out of GameStop.

So today was an odd turn of events, but i'm happy. =D Now to start making up for that $10 by making Mom some brownies...

...And would love to see Amaterasu's advetures as wolf again, I don't know if a sequel would be...RIGHT. And it's not even 'Ammy' herself, but eh...

It's on the DS anyway. >< I won't be ABLE to play it.

Little ramble here...

Overloaded on Silent Hill and Resident Evil. Had to go to mindless, brighter looking games I don't have to THINK to play. Cue FFX and even X-2. ><

Things are awkward when, you have a best friend for a long time, you've both never had a decent true relationship, and then one gets a perfect guy. I feel tremendously awkward, and even a bit envious. Thank god Ally and Charlie aren't leaving me as a third wheel. They're so kind, so good. >< And it's not even as if including me is forced. I vow to never leave them behind either.

Hopefully Ally can get a new mic for the warranty on her last one...we have LPs to do. XD

We gotta bake and send Charlie some FUCKING COOKIES.

...Heh. That joke won't get old for awhile. <3

School is still boring. And I don't quite like people in the theatre whining about having to cut lines, or some French words here and there. :/ Cyrano is a LONG play, it has to be done. I'm not happy about it, but I at least understand and am not whining about it.

It's going to be a long year.

Brenna and I still have to make a Nostalgia Critic LJ Mood set. Setting a reminder to myself.

I saw Jekyll and Hyde last night.

Holy crap I love this musical. >< I wanna see it again but tonight is the last show...

I may get to see a Broadway show on my birthday. <3 Or not. Mom doesn't want to see Wicked. Or West Side Story. Oh well, at least she's not going to try and drag me to R.E.N.T. I really don't like that musical. :/

We'll see what plays out. =D

I had a nightmare that Nemesis from Resident Evil 3, and Trevor(with a .45) from Phantasmagoria 2, were chasing my mom and I  around this place that  looked like the RPD and the mannequin building in Silent Hill 3.

It sounds ridiculous but it was scary.

I can't sleep. ._.

Spoiler warnings, of course. XD

I can say with an ego, that no game has ever scared me. Until Silent Hill 3 e_____e That haunted mansion terrified me. I was NOT expectign the body, completely forgot. The needle roof, eh, kinda expected it, and I wasn't playing on Hard to it didn't kill me. But the red light that kills you...It freaked me out, I was standing there WAITING for the guy to be done talking, them boom, red light just kills me. o_o WHAT is it!? WHY does it kill me!? Not to mension the hospital storage room with the mirror is pretty unnerving, even if you expect it. Also, the realization that the monsters of Silent Hill, can be people? A disturbing one at that. An in depth plot analysis I've read states that it hints in pretty much all the games, that the protagonists see things all different, some people don't see mosnters. Some do. Some see real people as monsters. This is one of the most rattling, uncomforting series of games I have ever played. One of the worst parts is probably, a stalker in the hospital, who has NO idea who you are, but feels madly in love with you, just from watching you. o_o He's following you through the entire level.

That being said though, SH3 was a big disappointment.

Once you've played SH2, or even 4, nothing is as haunting or deep. There was no inner struggle here. Harry and James, two men going through HELL and back to find people they love. But Heather seems like a very....empty protagonist.  She has a motive for revenge, no mistake, but the game goes about it...in such a shalow way. Firstly, the first half fo this game is just GETTING HOME in a town close to Silent Hill. Then the second half is a revenge crazy run through Silent Hill itself.

There's one flaw every SH game has so I'm not faulting this game for it. But in everygame, there's a specific goal. Yet the characters go everywhere, starting in one place then seemingly in another, by the time you get out you forget why you were even there. Actually, I will fault SH3 for this. The first two games actually at least had the protagonists SEARCHING for osmething, and in SH4 Henry kind of had no other choice but to follow Walter's will, wherever the tunnel took him. But when a subway station becomes this odd sewer system, I find it odd to beleive she's 'just going home' at this point. If this haunted shit takes you that far in, how about. Leaving the subway station, and WALKING home? o_o

So the plot is pretty shallow to me in SH3, there I said it. Breakdown is:
Heather escapes creepy guy by way of hellish mall
Heather goes home by LONG way of subway and sewer
Heather finds father, Harry, dead, and exacts revenge
Heather goes to Silent Hill to find killer, Claudia, by way of haunted hospital and amusement park. (There's this thing with meeting Claudia's father in the hospital, which turns out to be COMPLETELY USELESS by the end of the game.)
Confrontation in church, everything go boom, God is dead.

My favorite in the series, SH2 follows a similar pattern, but unlike 3....the emotion and characters actually make this worthwhile. AS you're trecking through the long levels, you wonder WTF is going on, and James' insanity growing keeps you on edge until you learn the truth of the entire game. There's no well done twists or anything here. A standard game where you're dragged along for the ride. It's basically a different person trying to do the same thing from the first game, but AGAIN, emotion is void and characters are so pitiful, I was rooting for everybody is just DIE. This isn't made much better by the hammy horrid voice acting ruining any moment that is supposed to be serious. The only real moment that shook me, (Not scare like the haunted house) was Harry's death. You NEVER see it coming, and this is the protagonist of the first game, who we saw go through HELL and back to save his daughter.

That is only in terms of plot too...

The monsters weren't creative or freakish, only laughable at most. They're also so loud that the radio becomes useless. The game pulls some pretty clever instant kills if you're not careful, and you may end up having to back a ways. Frustrating, but a good point IMO. Gameplay is not unlike SH2, there's really no change other than an option to parry, which I didn't even KNOW about until reading a walkthrough when I was stuck at one point. Puzzles are fun but so few. Also extremely easy on normal/easy, or just so painstakingly hard on Hard. Look I know that's the point, the only problem is, it's two extremes. Even on Normal puzzle mode, I was headdesking at how easy it was! Maybe I would've been satisfied had more puzzles been included, but just....EH. My favroite is STILL the hanging man/innocent man one from SH2. Clever and tricky.

Another thing bugs me about each game, and hell, this device was even used in Buffy: Chaos Bleeds, and both Resident Evil: Outbreak games.

Why so many fucking unopenable doors!? You literally have to try each one until something happens and you open it. xD Fatal Frame 3 does this to a lesser extent as all doors eventually open, but it gets so so so old. xD

This game will make Silent Hill 2 references in certain scenes if you have a completed save file on your memory card.

Well. Silent Hill 3. A visually stunning game that creeps with some good tongue-in-cheek SH references, as well as darker shout outs to the odler games, or devices used in later ones. This game falls short of magnificent due to a shallow, rushing plot and no emotion behind anything other than Heather's initial reaction and desire for revenge. Good game, but not the best of the series.

I really don't update this enough. But nothing really happens. xD

I've been spending my days hauled up in my basement playing Resident Evil 1, 4, Outbreak 1 and 2, Shadow Hearts, Final Fantasy XII, and Fatal Frame 3 when Claire comes over. We both kind of own that game together. xD Talk about eerie. "FEET, there's FEET under your closet."

Yes yes, summer should be full fo sun and such but...I'm getting used to the basement being empty now, my own little place for gaming and movies that I can enjoy warm tea and snacks in. xD My parents call it my 'bat cave.'

The biggest thing this summer is that I've enrolled in summer school to get the extra credits I need for Geometry to progress ot algebra II. MUCH easier and relaxed here. No stupid "80% of your grade" tests, all we do is get assignments, do them, and relax...In thsi time I've been playing card games with a group of people, and I've learned how to play:

Crazy 8s
Bullshit
Phase 10 (Special deck)
Skip-Bo (special deck)
Spoons

And we've also played the always good Texas Hold 'Em and 21. Plus Uno. xD I'm growing more fond of card games now than I have been before.

What else....we may be going on a vacation in a few days, dunno with our money situation. Gilroy Garlic Festival, Height/Ashbury, MAYBE Alcatraz, and REALLY MAYBE Monterey. I really want to go to that aquarium again...

My mom and I have got into the habit of going to the local library again. I've picked up some old books I love, and some new ones. One in particular, Labyrinth. It's a three out of five stars for me so far, msotly because nothign is explaine,d I had to read an online review to know WTF is going on. See, it's two stories at once, these two boys, the SAME boy, but parallel universe versions of each other, and they dream about one another. I thought it was just one boy, going through two different situations and pretending his dad was still alive. But it's an entirely different boy. I see the connections clear now, as other characters are paralleled as well. nce you know THAT, they book is quite interesting. I haven't finished it yet though.

I might as well speak my mind about Breathers too, the 'zom-rom-com' somebody recommended me. It was very interesting. Nothing I'd seen before, so definately originality points. Also points for an Oingo Boingo reference, and tasteful use of playboy pictures. ...Creatures like vampires, every author and director has their own rules and takes on them, some more shameful than others...>> But people vary on how they write  them. Breathers is the same. Here, zombies are the dead that randomly come back to life(I theorized that it was jsut natural selection kicking in after death *Shrugs*) and they're...fully aware. They're not mindless brain eating corpses, they're dead, decomposing, but...concious. THAT threw me for a loop, I think it's so cool...

*Spoilers ahead* It follows the story of one in particular, and how he eventually campaigns for 'zombie rights'. Zombies are treated as any other minority group. People are judged for race, social class, sexuality, and now. Living status. xD The book takes a violent turn though, the back mae me think the zombie rights was the MAIN point. But it was Andy's life. Also interestign to note is zombies here don't regularly eat humans, they'd be detained in basically, a pound for zombies. They call humans 'Breathers', and if they do eat breather...they start t regenerate. Their bodily functions start to work again. This was a bit of a stretch for me, but I was open to it. Now Rita getting pregnant? BIG stretch for me, I first sneered and thought it would be something stupid, a plot convienience of impossibility for a typical American 'happy ending' (Breaking Dawn anybody?) HOWEVER. It wasn't really treated as such. It was never a main point, never something...described as perfect. This entire thing is subverted for a tragic ending too. She dies as well as Andy's best friend, and the remainder of the group get revenge for them, in a brutal badass display. And the ending is after the group is captured and then rescued by the twins, Zach and Luke, I beleive they stand ready to fight the crowd of police cars following. It's been awhile since I've read but...Last stands are always pretty cool in media. A brave last effort, courage.

There are defining moments in everyone's existance, some more monumental than others:
Neil Armstrong's first step for mankind.
Bobby Thompson's shot heard round the world.
Rosa Parks refusing to give up her sea on the bus.
Each of them found their moment and seized it, turned it into na act that embodied a quest. A triumph. A dream.
Sooner or later, everyone reaches that moment. For some it passes by unnoticed or unrealized. For others, it hits them while watching a black-and-white B horror film from 1968.
This is our moment. This is our time.
-Breathers, Chapter 43

Title: Resident Evil 4
Time Finished: 7:58 June 10, 2009

I rushed with this one so my gaps between this and CVX were small xD But damn this game was easy, almost too easy. D= This is why we have professional mode. >D The only parts I had difficulty with:

-The split paths of the Bella sisters or the second el gigante
- Fighting a constantly respawning crowd of priests while Ashley has to deal with raising these bridge things...
-Fighting two gigantes at once
-The boss fight with Salazaar (He used that instant death attack a LOT ><))
-Playing the game after Luis died. Really. :/ RIGHT after the poor sap who I adored dies, you hear the little bitch Ashley going, "LEON HAAAALP" Needless to say, in my rage, I shot her. =D

And whate everyone said about Ashley is absolutely TRUE. Loud, obnoxious, not thankful that you save her, no real help, she basically does one awesome thing(operate a giant bulldozer), but even then sheh ad to be covered from enemies. She can't just MOVE or punch something? XD That girl cannot do one damn thing on her own. If I hear one more, "LEON HAAAALP!"....><

While on the other hand, Ada is stll fucking awesome. She did fucktons for you, including helping you after Luis died, to GET RID OF THE PARASITE.

Can't wait to play her assignment and Mercenaries. Gimme Wesker's badass arsenal of grenades and a silenced handgun. >D

Storywise...it was just very Mario. "You're princess is in another ganado filled castle, get fucking moving." But, still. Enjoyable.

Resident Evil always kills good side characters off. Krauser, Luis, hell even MIKE, the helicopter man you knew for five minutes yet took down a crowd of ganados for you. xD Ada or the Merchant would've been the cake. :/ If they died and Ashley got to live? Fuck this game. xD I would've stopped XD

This game spawned some lulzy moments and memes with it's bad voice acting, I'm SURE.

...BALLISTICS! >D
Adios, LEEONNN.
STRANGAAAAAAA!!!
SAADLERRRR!

I'm going to hell. xD Oh well, time to tackle the first classic RE, I'm talking PS1, bad graphics, Jill Sandwich and ALL. It's been pretty hard from what I've played so far, wish me luck.

Resident Evil: Code Veronica X
Time Finished: 9:39 PM, Monday June 1st 2009
Rank: E (I suuuucked but it was fun XD)

Well I just right out love this game. =D Granted, Chris Redfield bugs me to HELL...But I ship ClairexSteve, and I cried when he died. D= It's like, the saddest scene, then I was granted the most epic battle scene in the game, RIGHT after. Talk about odd. Why is it, whenv the protagonists I play as, get their asses kicked in this game, I laugh? Probably because Wesker did it. ._. He's such a cool character. Yaaayy Waugh makes a cheesy yet amazing Wesker. xD That laugh is so forced. Alexia and Alfred aren't much better.

"I AM ALFRED ASHFORD!! *Goat laugh*"

"YOU are not worthy of its POWAAAAA!!"

xD I love those twins, their story is one of the most interesting in the RE series to me.

This game had its tough points, (I've had it with these motherfucking Tyrants on this motherfucking plane!!!!) but was still a challenging and fun play, I'd play it a dozen times more. I was freaked out by the end though. Giant fucking spider. D= It's back end was at least the size of a reclining chair. HUUGE! And it crawled on the ceiling, and was just EWWWWWWW. I kept starting at my ceiling all through the end. xD I started out hating Steve, but came out loving that redhead on crack. I was so depressed when he died, I fell into a thirty minute slump in the game. xD Degeneration had me screaming, "FORGET LEON, REEMBER STEVE! D=" So, yes. I guess I'm AdaxLeon/ClairexSteve centric. Oo Just for good measure, Jill and Chris are a decent pairing. Chris just bugs me. XD

What was theb est part of this game...I'd say the first fight with Alexia. Not only did we get an epic transformation sequence and Wesker vs Alexia fight beforehand, but everyone was telling me how HARD that fight was. It was EASY. Four burst rounds from the grenade launcher. HA HA. Though admittedly, I died the first three times, not really knowing what to do. Insta death tough. e.e How are you supposed ot knife her!? You heave to use the knife only in the game to get Wesker in battle mode, which is HARD. HE comes with only a damn knife. So how od you knife a boss that has insta-death touch? XD

One fo my favorite cutscenes had to be Alexia's awakening, I felt sorry for Alfred. :/ Stayed alive JUST long enough to see her open her eyes agin, then poof, died!

I hate Hunters. D= They killed me a LOT.

I hate giant fucking spiders. I think I has arachnaphobia. xD

I hate that Steve DIED.

I think that's all I disliked! XD

If any of you know WTF I'm talking about, leave a comment on your own thoughts. xD

Two about to leave, to or three people arriving...

My life is taking such odd turns.

My aunt and uncle are finally about to leave Tuesday, all their clutter and mess, and taking their emotional useless baggage, their smarmy "We THINK we're rick and intleligent" attitudes with them. Well, my aunt is. My uncle has been so good to help us out...

But there's some kind of crisis going on...Gary, his son Jason, and daughter Ericka, friends of my parents, of our family. We always spend holidays with them. They're good people, help us out. In some weird turn of events...I'm not sure myself, the matriarch of the family kicked them out, not believing that her new boyfriend hit her own daughter. :/

So they'll be kind of here I think, off and on? We're not sure yet.

And while I've been missing our three person house. I don't care.

These people are so kind, they're not the type to mooch off of us and be lazy....To have a million useless clutter of things around, and spend money on useless material objects. We'll make do, all of us. I kind of wanted to cry....Do any of us really have anything besides each other? I wish I could help, just....make everyone 100% secure with a home, money, but how can a seventeen year old girl do that...

Mom and Dad seem to be alright. Mom says, "Poor plus poor equals rich." We'll make do. We'll be okay...

It's just a very WTF event, kind of a random hit. I feel so sorry for them, they were crying...I'm sure we'll be okay....right? It just feels odd. We are a family now, all of us.

Plain and simple, we're all losing it here...

Stupid pottery ship assignment a bit solved today. Gonna BS it and make a hobo box.

We were given an assignment yesterday in Latin...Due Friday. Keep in mind. Tuesday-Friday, a total of three days to work on it. We have to make a working catapult with a theme, a flag made of felt or another cloth material and a 'greeting' card to your enemy to represent the theme.

What the SHIT. How are we suppsoed to do that all!? Okay, so my theme is "Zombie"...Gonna make a hand that springs back. xD Problem is, mom and I hardly have the time to work on it without another crisis popping up at the last second.

Dad passed out at work. Thankfully he's home.

My aunt and uncle are STILL here, slowing driving all of us to insanity, but thank the gods above that they have an apartment now, and are moving in June 2nd. Really, that would be the icing on the fucking cake if they were around for four more months.

I'm feeling al ot of...new things. I feel scared. Like I'm pressured to move into the 'adult' stage. Car, job(Doesn't seem so bad honestly, I'm already in hell for 8 hours a day...this way I get paid), college pressures, and....possible romantic interest.


Let me break this down.

Job: Yeah, summer job, and again, doesn't seem so bad.

Car: Could just be my autn and uncle pushing me into this but it's like "OMG YOU /HAVE/ TO DRIVE NAO" I'd...rather just wait until I'm 18. I feel like I could do better with experience and sight of things, rather than written down. You know, "four way street cross intersection, blah blah", I feel like I'd know better by SEEING and recognizing such things.

College: I want to go to a community college for two years since I don't know what I want for a job in life. Slower than some going to UCs, but still good right? Not good enough for the staff apparently. Just because I'm smart/have a high GPA doesn't mean I should have to RUSH into things, jesus fuck. Counciler is all, "OMG, you NEED to take summer school Geometry then do Algebra II in senior year, GRAHHH". No. I fucking don't. Wasting my summer, fuck no, I'd rather take a job/experiencing a job for the first time and so getting life experience, isntead of doing something that can be done in our ocmmunity college anyways. Dunno why she won't LISTEN to me, because even if I did finish the math requirement for a university(I finished all other requirements), I'd STILL go to CR first. Because I have no idea what I want, it'd be a much cheaper way to discover. It just pissed me off that she didn't LISTEN to me. I will go to a university and achieve my goal, sure, but let me FIND my goal first.

Romantic interest: This is the main cloud hanging over my head. I...don't like relationships. :/ From what I've experienced, they suck, they're more work than actually enjoying each other's company, I like being single because I don't have to fear fangirling over fictional characters, guys in bands, actors, what EVER. I don't have to be afraid of anything, it seems like relationships only trap you in. But. I'm starting to like this guy...He seems to REALLY like me, even Brenna says so. Which, that's also new too. A guy that likes me...never happened before. I just want to get to know him more, talk to him more before stepping into anything, but fuck if my hormones have anything to say about being logical...If that isn't bad enough, he's going to Germany for a year in August. I...don't know what to do. Here we are, openly flirting, being all cuddly, and neither of us know what is going to happen or what IS going on. ((He apparently feels the same kind of "WTF is going on" feeling I'm having...outside source told me.)) I wish I knew, and I wish i could...commit to relationships, but this whole experience is making me scared. Making me feel like I'll not want a relationship forever, and will be so scared that I'll end up alone my whole life.

I am just...so scared. With everything. Going crazy trying to keep up with work, still growing up...I might go cry this off, but shit. If one thing isn't hassling me, it's another. I hate this...needed to let it out...

Junior Prom was tonight...I'm drained, tired, just uggggh tired.

But so happy.

It was better than I thought. In truth, it WAS no better than a regular dance. :/ But It was still awesome. And there were more 'dancable' songs than I thought. I have nothing against rap/hip-hop, it's just...Most mainstream songs of it have practically the same beat, so it's the same kind of dance moves for EVERY SONG. It just gets boring. :/ But they did have some epic songs.

I saw at two tables, switching. xD I was mostly with Claire, Josh, Randi, Sam, and a few others. Every once in awhile I'd flock to Kimi, Chris, Jacob, Matt, Ember, and Xochitl.(<--- Her name is awesome isn't it? XD)

The dance floor was pretty damn small, but we all still danced. xD I gotta learn to move my hips and body more...

Earlier in the day I got my nails and hair odne...I LOVED my hair. It was pulled at the sides to somewhat of a ponytail, then curled into small, rough waves in the back, it looked so amazing <3

I still wish Brenna could've gone, but falling into the hospital only a week before isn't her fault or mine in any way, it just happened. D= Fuck you...destiny. xD

The last good song we danced to was Hot N Cold by Katy Perry. Then Claire and I decided to call it quits five minutes before the dance ended anyway. I'm so so so tired....so worth it, such a blast, and I actually looked, well, pretty...I never am, it was so new to feel like that. xD

I felt like cinderella kinda, but with no prince. Had to leave the ball at midnight, was a pretty sight...You get the point, I'm tired and rambling. xD Point is: EPIC.

So I was sitting in my bedroom, bored...listening to music to pass time. Then Kill Hannah's "Lips Like Morphine" came on my mp3...Dunno HOW it happened, but I ended up starting from say, 5PM, and ending at 2AM, making an AMV that is TOTALLY CRACK INDUCED FANGIRLISM. I thought Alice needed a laugh, so I did another Albert Wesker/David King vid. >.>Not pairing implied, but it was hard with that song to not make it look as such. *Imagines a pairing* Eh....Those two don't really fit...One's an absolutely normal guy, and the other wants to ethnic "species" cleanse the world, leaving only the smartest and strongest alive. His own evolution.

And here I ask, what is wrong with me? XD It was so worth it for her reaction and the result, even ifi t was sub-par. It's probably NOT going on Youtube. xD

I think I caused her to noselbeed. Oo BFFs Ally. xD <3

Yeah...and I woke up this morning to find Easter chocolate and a wrapped green gift...not going to open it until my aunt and uncle actually get out here. It wouldn't be polite. But I feel bad....See this is the love/hate relaionship everyone has with relatives! They drive you nuts, but you still love each other to death. <3

I will surely hang and/or stab myself.

And I'm not even fucking joking anymore.

I can't even enjoy my weekends anymore, my oNLY two days away from that shithole of a school. YOU HAVE ALL DAY EVERY DAY OFF, YOU DON'T FUCKING WORK. WATCH YOUR DVR RECORDED SHOWS ON YOUR OWN FUCKING TIME, THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY TIME TO USE MY PS2. I DON'T GODDAMN CARE HOW "COLD" IT IS DOWNSTAIRS, GRAB A DAMN BLANKET. OR GO TO MY ROOM, YOU HAVE OTHER OPTIONS.

So now, HAHA, I'm stuck here, bored, doing nothing for my day off.

Secretive, bitchy, sneaky, smug, superior toned, braggy, BSing....I want them GONE.

Three days is fine, even a week, or three weeks at the most. Not three fucking months. They need to LEAVE so we can get back to our normal, relatively stress-free lives. They're driving my mother, father, and myself completely insane...

"Guests are like leftovers. They're good for three days and then they go bad."

UGH! *Headdesk* I really cannot contain this rage any longer, I had to vent it out! It may seem like simple whining, but you guys have NO IDEA.

I dunno why I psot today, nothing happened. o.o

Well...

After gym, a bunch of redneck kids pelted rocks at the back of my head. It hurts. ;~; Bitches are gonna pay someday.

And I woke up with a sore throat. Still have it. Everyone at home is giving everyone a disease, GRAAHH.

Luckily my aunt is making that really good sauce/noodle/cheese thing...It's yummy. =D

Um...

So Brenna does the best doodles. Today she drew us at my house playing RE: Code Veronica like we were yesterday, with her shouting, "NO THE LEFT, YOUR OTHER LEFT, TURN AROUND, THE OPPOSITE WAY, OPPOSITE MEANING THE WAY YOU'RE NOT GOING!" xD As one can tell, I had a bad, bad experience with the RE movement controls...Same with Hitman 2's...

Second doodle she had was us at a computer, looking horrofied, and under it said: Watching the 1st death of Krauser, or him killing people. A lot. And all the while, Garett is peeking out from udner the table going, "Weskerrrrrrr"

Third is a little funny comic she's doing about David, because he's awesome. And I love her for drawing it. xD I'm all, "Garrett broke the toilet!" and she's all, "Well then I'll call a plumber!" and he answers, and we're liiiiike, "...BATMAN!!!?!?!?! No....INK BLOT!?!?!?!!?" ((Ink Blot is her epic nickname of Rorschach XD))

I RLY CAN'T U GUIZE.

Senior Class Night: The seniors of my school dressing like the teachers and performing skits.

I think one of the most ironic things was Merv/Roscoe's SONS playing them.


WATCHMEN:

HO YES.

They did not fail. It was just...WOW. I love it, blew my mind. Perhaps I'll talk more tomorrow, but I need to get this out now.

So practically EVERYONE I KNEW WAS THERE. All my old theatre buddies, now in college. XD

We whooped and commented on movie trailers aloud. And during the movie we /really/ had some cheering moments.

Oh and bless Iris/Maxine/Alex for saving me a seat, BLESS THEM. And a good seat too. <3 Third row, middle.

I just had one of the funnest days of my entire life. xD 

Lazer tag. FUCK YES.

I've never done it before...Brenna invited me to her birthday party today, and it was so so so fun. We went to 'Cyber City', this extremely awesome arcade place. Big TVs, screens, systems, arcade games, and a place to play lazer tag. =D

So Brenna, myself, Garrett, Cassandra, Kelly, Peter, and Brenna's friend Michael, were all who showed up. We started off by failing at rock band. xD Billy Idol and Sublime would be appauled. So once everyone was there, we immediately went to lazer tag. I am hooked on this shit. xD It's a dark room, fog galore, strobe lights, blacklights, and these castle drawn/shaped boards to hide behind and wind around. We had these awesome armor vets and guns, and boy, I failed at the first game. xD I still did kinda bad for the others, but got better. Peter and Michael were by far the best at this. xD I joined their team in the team battle and we rocked. xD The secodn team battle, by drawing broken forks, Garett and I were team captains. I picked Peter, Brenna, and one of the guys who works there. xD We won AGAIN. =D

Such a shame when we had to go...so I called my aunt and we all rode in her hummer, music blazing, and she took us to the mall. (Peter didn't go) we did everything there was to do at the mall, from probably 11:40 to 6:00, we just walked around, shopped, played in the arcade there, ate food, and for the last hour we all jsut sat aroudn at a table and talked, and we picked out hot guys to stare at. xD (Just Brenna, Kelly, Garrett, and myself at that point) Those three shared /sex stories/ and we were all amused and discussed those. xD By then Michael was also gone, and us girls swooned at how attracctive he is. xD Garrett said he wasn't his 'type.' Pshhaw. XD <3

Garrett also threw $.99 thongs at us in some store...Rue 21 I think it's called? XD He also tried on tight pleather pants, a tube top, and a miniskirt in Ross. We were amuuuuused.

It was just such a fun and lol worthy day, I can't put it into words. I wanna do this next weekend. We're hopefully planning it or another lazer tag day next weekend.^^

Edit: Oh look, PIKATURZ


( We're insane and loving it )